True. My old home town was five hours away from 13000-foot slopes
2. I have untangled mangled human meat from machinery and laughed when we got to the part that used to be a pussy.
True. I was a paramedic and my brain gave me a choice: I could laugh or I could scream.
3. My little toe rolls 90° flat when I put weight on it.
True. Both little toes, in fact
4. I have never lived a year away from Texas.
True. I was packed to move to Germany to rejoin my wife when Asshat invaded Kuwait, and she never went back there.
5. I can drive a 24-speed, 5x4 dual transmission semi truck (split-shift with me?)
True. The auxiliary transmission has four forward gears and the "main box" has five forward gears. However, first gear is rarely used on either transmission, so unless it is moving an exceptionally heavy load, it is usually more like four main increments multiplied by three sub-increments.
6. I have fucked a rubber ice-pack bottle.
True. I was 13, inventive and near terminally horny. A little lube and it worked quite well.
7. I have one piercing in my left ear and no ink.
True. My trademark earring is a small gold lightning bolt.
8. I still feel shame for not being able to play kickball properly in second grade, causing the other children to laugh at me.
True. It is not unusual for my mind to randomly revisit some ridiculous childhood embarrassment. Dunno why.
9. I have lied and told women I loved them in hopes of receiving sex.
FALSE! I'm hurt that everybody figured I would do something that heinous! *chuckle*
10. When I was five years old, a six-year-old girl touched my penis and I touched her girl parts.
True. When I was nearly 30 years old, the realization finally struck me that her father had been molesting her. She taught me WAY more than a six year old was supposed to know -- even by contemporary standards.
