“It’s like the guy who was lecturing on this freaky arcane mathematical model theory and he walked into the lecture hall where the group had just finished a lecture. He looked up at a 5000 year history of the Nile flood plane and he says: “How is it that my data set has preceded me?”
There is NOTHING funnier than watching a bunch of dipshit Southern crackers erecting a huge stone monument to a U.S. Civil War battle and watching the crane lines sway into power lines immediately over the site. And then, while you are already laughing at them, realizing that Bubba the crane operator hadn’t secured one of his outriggers and the crane is toppling over, bringing down the power lines and sending everybody scattering. It was beautiful.
A guy in a coma condition being brought out after several years by a doctor who thought outside the box and decided to give him amphetamines for a while. He fidgeted in his comatose state for a while, then suddenly opened his eyes and asked where the fuck his wife was.
If you cross a train track in a semi truck ... make sure the trailer is also off the track. This is important – dumbass.
In 1907, Duncan McDougal tried to prove the existence of the human soul by weighing poor people as they fucking died. AS THEY FUCKING DIED OF DISEASE! What a humanitarian. He found a weight difference of 22 grams. He was a fucking idiot.
By the way ... if you ever drink scotch and lay down in the living room floor and fall asleep petting the huge red hound ...
You will wake up alone ... In your underwear... on the living room floor. With the dog in the hallway because you were snuggling too much, because it was cold with no blankets.
It’s a huge loser feeling *chuckle*
Later dudes
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